// Friends & Relations //
December 03, 2005Sometimes there's nowhere else to write this stuff...
So there were two girls, they were randomly assigned to be roommates in college. One was a quiet self conscious girl from California who brought her cello, the other an outgoing athlete from Connecticut who brought a 12 pack of bud lite. These girls (and they were girls then) became fast friends. They had nothing in common except for liking the same kind of gum, but they found something in eachother that mattered. They had their bad moments over the four years of college, fights about time, about space, about attention, about boys, but those moments were nothing compared to all the good. All the late nights watching the same repeats of MASH, all the sunday brunches, swim meets, walks around the lake, all the conversations that piece by piece helped each of them begin to discover and uncover the foundations of the women they would become.
For a while after college we lived in the same place and shared so much of each other's lives, we would call each other from our respective offices in Harvard Square and talk about what we had for breakfast. We would meet at a local bar on Friday nights for happy hour and spill our deepest fears over free nachos and cheap beer. She got married, I was her maid of honor. She got a dog, I got a cat.
For many years, even after she moved across the country, and then to another country, we were religous about visiting each other and had regular phone dates. Our lives were still intertwined and we knew EVERYTHING. Our visits were peppered with long walks, accompanied by an easy, open flow of conversation. We never ran out of things to say. We always knew, and always said, that we would be friends for the rest of our lives.
Then time began to get the best of us, life became more complicated. It was harder to have regular phone dates and harder to visit one another, our lives became more and more different. We tried to understand and support each other through life's big and small moments, through depression and anxiety, through pregnancy and babies, jobs, graduate school, and finding unexpected love, but it became harder and harder to feel connected in the same way. We both yearned for the ease and the certainty of the friendship we had known, and were torn apart by the akwardness, the fear, and the disappointment that came with not knowing how to find the closeness we had shared.
A few months ago, she finally was brave enough to put it all on the table, to speak (or write) the words that were hanging between us like a dark cloud. Does this friendship even mean anything anymore? As painful as the question was, it made me think. About how maybe I hadn't shown how much it meant and mattered. That somehow the time and space between us had erroded my confidence in the unconditional respect and support and love we had shared. My life was so different, and parts of it so painful that I had lost sight of the fact that the root of our friendship had never been in commonalities but in differences. That we had helped eachother most when things were hard, when our perspectives were different, when we were able to push each other when neither wanted to be pushed.
So recently we have begun to build a tender new relationship. One that has as it's foundation the 20 years of history we have shared, but also has a genuine, if still bittersweet, understanding of the reality of our lives with all of the attending complications and constraints.
Today I learned that she had to make the very painful decision to put her 15 year old dog to sleep. And I felt her, right there in my heart. I remembered what it felt like to know someone so well that you don't have to know all the details, or hear the whole story, just a few words are enough that you feel what they feel as if it were your own. I felt the weight of history, of time passed and memories shared and moments lost.
This friendship matters. Always.
In loving memory of Guinness Stout, dog extraordinare.
Posted by Loody at 10:39 AM
July 17, 2005Her Name was Rhumba, She was a Guide Dog
With lots of feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there...
Today Miss B and I went to see my mom at Guide Dog School where she is training with her new guide dog Rhumba (her third dog, first girl dog). Some of you may remember from previous entries the her last dog Slater was sweet but not very effective (as in, he has on more than one occasion, guided her straight into a tree/mailbox/signpost) so we have all been very anxious for her to go and get a newer, safer dog*
What she got was a newer, softer, calmer, softer, sweeter - and did I mention softer? - dog. We had great time getting to know Rhumba and going to visit the kennels where they train the dogs, and wean the puppies...oh god the puppies...i didn't think I was going to get B to leave (she is now seriously considering a career as the School Nurse at Guide Dog School). We also had a great time busting my mom loose for a trip to Cold Stone Creamery. Mmmmmmm....soft creamy fudgy ice cream....
There was just so much canine cuteness, it has to be shared so here are the pics (click to see bigger, if you don't already know that):
The Beautiful Pooch
Me, welcoming her to the family
B, smoochin the pooch
Cuteness times twelve
The puppies, just waiting to grow up to be great big helper dogs, melt my heart!
*wondering what happens to Slater? He gets to retire. Play a little golf, take a cruise, maybe some cooking classes. No really, he gets to be just a regular dog and my Dad's new best friend.
Posted by Loody at 10:31 PM
April 14, 2005Just add a little garlic and basil and you'll have a nice bruschetta
So I'm talking to my mom this morning:
Mom: Slater got skunked (Slater is her guide dog, sweet as pie and dumb as a post, but that's a story for another time)
Me: oh no!
Mom: We have him on his tie-down out on the porch so he doesn't stink up the house.
Me: Did you give him a bath in tomato juice?
Mom: No we didn't have any... but we did give him a bath in diced tomatoes.
crazy people. that's what they are.
oh, and by the way, I know I haven't written in almost a month but lets just let that slide for now, k?
Posted by Loody at 11:39 AM
March 17, 2005Erin Go Braugh
She doesn't know it yet but she's my special St. Patrick's day guest. How could I resist when she started an email to me today with "if i had a blog...."
And then followed with some very passionate and articulate thoughts about drilling for oil in the artic, SUV's and the environment, the World Bank, the deficit, the war, and social security, culminating in these exact words: "I CANT STAND IT."
I couldn't agree more, and couldn't love her more for her intellect, her passion for all things policy related, and most especially her ability to express her opinons so smartly. But I also didn't ask if I could reproduce her excellent rant verbatim so you got the executive summary.
But...because she's an Irish lass through and through, I can't resist sharing this little bit of the email:
On a brighter note, I'm dressed in head to toe in green, John got up early to get the cornbeef and cabbage started, I'm going to Anna's class today to do St. Patrick's crafts, Sara Maeve looks adorable in her little green sweater with a hood and she got into the craft bag and ate some green construction paper in honor of the day!
Whether you celebrate with green beer, green bagels or green paper...Happy St. Patty's Day everyone!!!
Posted by Loody at 10:05 AM
January 27, 2005Roller Coaster.....of Love
About 8 hours ago I was so mad at my mother that I thought my head would explode. About 2 hours ago I was so filled with tenderness and love for her that I thought my heart would explode.
Love. Family. Crazy business.
[p.s. I hope someone out there, besides Ginny, can hum along with the tune to the title of this post:)]
Posted by Loody at 10:34 PM
December 31, 2004Out with the old and in with the new
Getting ready for the new year's eve celebration, our last night on the Cape before heading up to Boston.
I'm so excited to see all our awesome friends, including her and him and her, not to mention our favorite "nephew" Adam and his new little brother Jonathan [and their parents, of course :)]. We are both feeling very nostalgic for our little apartment in Somerville (where we lived together for the first year and a half) so it will be a litte weird to be around there and not be able to go "home," but I'm looking forward to the next few days.
And then...we are really looking forward to going home!
Wishing everyone a Happy New Year and a kick ass 2005!!!!
Posted by Loody at 02:54 PM
December 22, 2004Oh, and just so you know....
my office
also "hella tight"
umm hmmm.
Posted by Loody at 02:43 PM
The Little Rascals, Part II
So of course by now about 5 people have walked by my office, seen the boys in here and said something along the lines of "oh...and who is this???"
After the 5th person, Kenneth turned to me and said, "Laura, why do you keep saying nephew?"
"Because that's what you are, my nephew," I said. "Would you rather I said, 'this is my friend Kenneth'?" (ooo tricky punctuation there!)
"No" he said, "I want you to say I'm your RIVAL!!!!!"
I love them so much.
Posted by Loody at 02:09 PM
Hello, may I please ask who's calling?
That's how my nephews always answer the phone at their house, it's pretty darn cute to get such a formal greeting in little boy voices.
They are hanging out at my office today (while my sister does a little holiday shopping) playing something called "Neopets" which involves creating online pets which you have to maintain (which I guess means feed and water) so that you can trade and or sell them. Very complicated - too much for my tiny brain.
After a bit of a tussle over who would use which computer I finally set Kenneth up at my desk and went into the other room to check my email. A few minutes later, I heard the phone ringing and before my brain could process (no, he wouldn't, would he?) I hear his little 6 year-old voice...
"Hello, may I please say who is this calling please?"
*running in slow motion to grab phone from grimmy little hands*
Way to be professional, Loody!
Posted by Loody at 01:05 PM
November 24, 2004Our "pad" is "hella tight"
At least according to my nephew. Who is ten. Don't you love it when kids start using expressions like that? It's like they are trying their coolness on, seeing how it fits.
The boys don't have school today or "after school" so my sister is dropping them off to hang out with us while she goes to class this afternoon. Apparently, visiting their dad at work just doesn't compare to hanging out with Bridget at the hella tight pad.
My nephews love me in that "she's my auntie who has been around since I was born and I guess she's kind of fun" way, but they love, and I mean LOVE, Miss B. Any time I walk into my sister's house, the first thing they say is "where's Bridget? is Bridget coming?".
They love her because she plays video games with them, watches the Simpsons with them, helps Nick with his comic book company web page (when did 10 year olds start having comic book companies?) understands all that Pokemon business, AND has already promised to buy them Super Smash Brothers Melee for Christmas! I don't have a chance...I'm just not that cool. And that's ok. At least I'm cool enough (and smart enough) to permanently attach myself to someone who is.
And by the way, I don't know what Super Smash Brothers Melee is either.
Posted by Loody at 11:57 AM
November 21, 2004I'm plum tuckered out!
The wedding was beautiful (historic cathedral), reception was stunning (panoramic views of SF and entire bay area), food was delicious (three kinds of cake!), conversation was hilarious (witty banter flying left and right - I miss those friends). Since it was a daytime wedding we disbanded for a while but got back together for a yummy noodle dinner last night. So so nice.
Miss B had to go to the hospital today to make up a clinical shift from earlier in the quarter (6:30 a.m, sunday morning? poor baby!). So I hung out with our friend T who was staying with us for the wedding. Now by hung out you might think I mean we sat around, rested from the wedding, maybe drank some tea, had some brunch. No...not so much.
T is one of those super energetic outdoorsy people who loves to exercise, so I shouldn't have been surprised that I would have to work for my coffee this morning, but I think we must have walked for a good 2 1/2 hours. Down the hill, up the hill, down the hill, up the hill. Then....as soon as we got back, she turned around and headed back out for a 30-40 mile bike ride.
Me? I'm taking a nap as soon as I finish writing thi.................
zzzzzzz
Posted by Loody at 12:32 PM
November 17, 2004Who woulda thunk it? (or...Loody's life lessons)
This weekend we are going the wedding of a very good friend of mine (we'll call him The Professor) and I'm really looking forward to it. I like his fiancee very much and I'm glad to see him (and them) so happy. Plus...it's going to be a wicked good time.
It's got me thinkin' though and here's why:
About 5 years ago, The Professor and I were part of a little wine tasting (read: wine drinking) group. We used to get together at least once a week, drink wine, eat cheese, and regale each other with our various dating and graduate school dramas.
We were all very good friends but my cross to bear was that I had a HUGE crush on The Professor. He was perfect for me (I just knew it) and I pined after him in that tortured "did he just say something to me in a non-friend way? he did, I know he did." way. My awesome and very patient friend Ginny bore the brunt of the tipsy-post-wine-tasting "are you sure he doesn't love me?" phone calls every week for at least a year (are you laughing at me right now Gin?).
Eventually, wine-tasting disbanded. He moved to another state, and I figured out that pining for something that didn't exist in the first place seemed, well, kind of silly. It took me a while though, to get over the idea that he was "the one who got away."
He wasn't, of course. This we know because "the one who will never get away and never want to" is right here next to me (watching a very strange japanese horror movie :)). What he is, now, is a very dear friend and our relationship, now that we are both with the person we are supposed to be with, has grown into something it never could be during those tortured days.
My point, and yes people I do have one. Is that for me it's a lesson in not missing the relationship you DO have with someone because you are too busy hoping for the relationship you WISH you could have. [hmmm...sidebar to self: think about how said lesson relates to your family....]. Ironically enough, the next time life taught me a relationship lesson it was that the one you are wishing for might be the one right in front of you (but that's a story for another time).
All that aside, I'm also thinking about how great it is going to be to have a mini-reunion (4 out of the 5 original wine-tasters will be here this weekend) and how nice it will be to pick up where we left off.
Posted by Loody at 09:32 PM
November 05, 2004Looking on the bright side.....
The sushi last night was out-of-this-world (I can tell by the look in her eye that Miss B wants to go there EVERY SINGLE DAY FROM NOW ON)
And...we are taking my nephews to see The Incredibles tomorrow afternoon. I can't wait!!!! (Even though my brother isn't technically a full time employee there anymore which means we can't wait until the veryendofthecredits to look for his name and clap (thanks, Gin, for your particiption in that activity in the past!)).
i'll let you know the reviews
:)
Posted by Loody at 05:03 PM
November 04, 2004Sushi...Family Style
Its taken a little while for my family (read: my mom) to get used to the idea that we LIVE here now. For the first 2 weeks (I kid you not, two full weeks) my mom would call me every morning:
"Were you thinking of stopping by tonight?"
"No?"
"How about tomorrow?"
I LIVE here mom...I'm not going to visit you every day. I love you but I'm just not. The problem is...unlike most people who take no for an answer, my mom just kept asking and I just kept feeling bad for saying no. Lets just say the whole thing came to a head when I got a voice mail at 10pm on a thursday night "Its mom, its 6:30, I thought you and B were meeting me at the gallery opening and having dinner and driving me home...where are you?"...Uhhhhhh...home in bed???? Lines of communication have CLEARLY broken down and its time for plan B
Plan B involves being proactive about suggesting a weekly outing with my parents (usually lunch so that Miss B is spared) so they feel loved and I feel like not-a-jerk and, I get a free lunch (not that that is the real motivation...or is it? hmmmmm..must examine self and said self's motives...but not right now).
The problem with this plan? Today's "lunch with mom and dad" has somehow morphed into dinner. with parents. and uncle. and uncle's wife (and you KNOW who I'm talkin' about).
The best laid plans and all that.
But at least there will be Sushi (mmmmmm...sushi) and lots of it.
Posted by Loody at 07:25 PM