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November 07, 2004

You think you know....

And then you find out that you really didn't know until you did it.

Let me explain.

I have been observing hospice nurses for about six weeks now. I have watched them check vitals, do physical assessments, interview patients and their families... and I thought that I was learning plenty just from watching. I thought I could do it.

And then I had to do it.

It's just so different. Looking someone in the eye, touching them, explaining things, working through your own emotional responses to try and do a good job for the person you are taking care of... really being involved in what is happening. Simply being there is not enough.

And I thought I knew this, but now I know it.

For the first time, I had to lift a woman up off of a toilet and help her put her pants back on. I held another elderly woman whose dressings were being changed as she was screaming in pain... I stroked her head. I stood over the bed, trying to take a blood pressure, of someone else who had a stroke, could not talk, and could only open one eye. I was trying not to be scared, but I was scared.

This kind of thing changes everything for me.

This experience humbled me. Made me realize yet again how much I have to learn. And it made me remember how right this is and why I am here in the first place.

Posted by missfitsandstarts at November 7, 2004 09:29 PM

Comments

I hear you, sister! I *totally* remember the first time I helped an elderly woman to the commode and wiped her bottom for her. She'd recently become debilitated and prior to this hospitalization had been independent. Her eyes teared up as I got her back into bed, but she denied being in pain. I couldn't help but think of how devastating it must be to suddenly be dependent on others for what once were very intimate and solo experiences. I was profoundly affected by what now seems such a simple act. Sounds like you're doing a great job working with your fears. Keep up the good work!

Posted by: Mia at November 10, 2004 11:49 PM